Tick tock. Tick tock.
“tick..tock..tick..tock…” I don’t know if it’s the gloomy weather that’s making bleakness devour me whole. It’s almost 6am on my watch, done making my breakfast and ate it in a lagging manner which I never had. Ever had that feeling of reality smacking you straight in the face when you least expect it? I think I just had it moments ago. Or maybe days ago and I am just busy enough not to recognize it. Sometimes, it’s during solitude you get to realize so many things you try to ignore for the longest time. I don’t know if this is a skill or a trait I should throw away but when I am happy I keep it to myself or within the four walls of my comfortable room. More over, when I am sad. I don’t have the courage enough to tell it to people dear to me thinking they are too busy to listen to me when they are ragged with the life of their own. So with that, I thank tumblr for keeping me company in times like this and of course, music for swaying with my sadness or happiness. There are so many things I want to say to certain people in my life but I hold my tongue because it might cause a bigger statement and make things even worse. I thought I have the power to just keep things to myself, as what I’ve said earlier, but sometimes the more I keep it to myself, the more it kills me. It’s hard to be too open to people, even more when you restrain yourself. But I chose to restrain myself anyway, it’s hard to be judged with things you dont mean to to begin with. I can’t be always fucking Juliet to every Romeo. I can’t always be there and be happy when sometimes it’s not. Sometimes, people need to be sensitive enough to know you to read you. I can’t be always fucking strong when Im showing to people that I am unbreakable. Sometimes, the more you show to them you are strong, in your deeper core, you feel an inch of brokenness you’re just afraid to show. I don’t want to waste any of my precious time to people who take me for granted. Believes that just because I am here, they will take such opportunity to “leave” me behind. It happened many times before and no matter how hurting I am, it doesn’t mean I can’t leave it behind. I chose to love myself and will never let anything or anyone bring me down today. The only question is, how to say farewell to such people or things without having the impact of hurting them at all.
Hayyy. Now that’s a relief. I can say hello to Monday now.
Im feeling so good.
Blastin’ up the stereo listening to this song. :) Feeling every word, every beat! :) Life is so good! :)
When I opened up my eyes todayFelt the sun shining on my faceIt became so clear to me that everything is goin my wayI feel like there’s no limit to what I can seeGot rid of fears that were holding meMy endless possibilitiesHas the whole world opened up for meThat’s why I’m feeling
I’m feeling so goodI knew that I wouldBeen taking care of myselfLike I shouldCause not one thingCan bring me downNothing in this world gonna turn me around
Now that day is turning into nightAnd everything is still going rightThere’s no way you can stop me this timeOr break this spirit of mineLike the stars above I’m gonna shineAnything I want will be mineTonight I’m gonna have a good timeCall a few friends of mineCause I’m loving lifeAnd tonight’s for feeling
I’m feeling soParty on tonight nightEverything is feeling right djParty on tonightEverything is feeling right
One day, I’ll travel the world.
The sun is high up in the middle but the aching soul dances with the deepness of the night. Fluttering all way up in the clouds, swerving while flashing this smile, side to side, up and down, faster and faster, as the breeze went colder, as the speed went faster, the heart came racing, faster and faster until the speed lost its way to its wandering destination and abruptly fell on the ground. Standing up from the fall, its confused, lost and static, ‘You should let your mind win, not your heart,’ what the soul heard and spoke with fires.
Finally, I have the weekend all to myself. I think I needed this rest as I’ve been out the past couple of weekends. I now got the quota for waves and sand, I think, and it’s time to rest my body, my soul, my mind and my heart.
One day, I’ll travel the world. My heart screams for that. Every. Single. Time. For things to be really worth it, you have to be patient. You have to wait for it, to know its worth, its value. For me, traveling heals me, revives my sinking soul. I might need one now, and forever. Life has been good to me, in fact so good that the heights I’ve been going to, the euphoria, all of it, are deliberately hauling me down. Sometimes, the own journeys we traverse into can get us into trouble, yes it can be sickening but that’s where the thrill of life is. To just say after 40 years and that when you look back you indeed lived your life very fucking good. No, very. fucking. great. I ask myself, what do I really want in my life? what will make me happy? Dont we all ask that to ourselves? What are the possible, ideal, imaginable things we want or we need to deluge us for our sustainability? Aren’t you sure of these things? What is it you really want? I am sure of mine and a few are:
1. Travel the world. I put this on top because this is what I would do in heartbeat only if I could. I told you I needed this in my life. From Paris, to London, to Greece, to Brazil, to Bali, to anywheeereeeee. I would go. IN A HEARTBEAT.
2. Family and friends. As long as they are happy. As long as they are able to stand up every time they fall. As long as they are stronger each day. I see them smile. Im satisfied.
3. Food. Chocolates. Japanese to Italian, to dark chocolates to everything! Food makes me happy. Give me Cheetos Jalapenos and my whole day is heaven.
You see, I find joy in simple things like those. :) I am not perfect. I am not a saint. There are some glitches in my life I know would take a lifetime to fix, but that’s life right? I might feel happy for weeks and suddenly sad the next day. I choose to keep things but let them go somehow. I might cherish things or ignore it. Life is crazy. My life is, and it will be forever and always as I see it. But that is where the thrill is. I am currently in progress of making my life a living art. Be crazy. Be wild. Let go of things, in that way, you’ll walk forward. Love. a lot. (or a little) Get hurt, many times. many. times. Learn from mistakes. Meet new people. Make your world bigger. Make every second count. I, for one, don’t want to waste my time. Know when to laugh hard, know when to get serious. Above all, have fun. Most important thing is you’re having fun. Oh life. :p
Oh life. Sometimes i feel like a winner. Somtimes I want to dug in the ground and stay there. Getting inked and reading ‘strong’ often on my wrist is one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. Strong, April. You are strong. Never forget that.